The end is near

In the spirit of the ensuing commencement that is upon me, I wish to bless you all with a swift and spontaneous story:

Markle McTinny was on his way to graduation--his graduation--from the Academy of Socially Inept Students. On his way he was and he was now on his way. Stopping to wait for the white hand to beckon him across the street, Markle sneezed. It was a vicious, snap-your-neck-in-half kind of sneeze. Happening to pass by on the street, a Ferrari-driving widow named Noneen Halloqueen stopped suddenly when her windshield was coated in Markle's sneeze-goo.

"How dare you sneeze on my Ferrari?" she pondered, out loud, and erroneously.

"What are you talking about? I'm walking, here!" shouted Markle. Later, he would snicker at the way his voice cracked and trilled. He seemed like a New Yorker to himself. We all know he's from Iowa.

"Well, it looks like you are on your way to graduating from the Academy, huh?" Noneen liked to cut to the chase.

"Yes, I am." And with that, Markle crossed the street and went into the auditorium. Noneen drove off, blaring the radio, and singing along:

"It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel nine." Noneen didn't know the words. After all, she herself was an alum from the Academy of Socially Inept herself.

The End.

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